The interweb is an amazing place. There’s stuff out there that just leaves me speechless. Or makes me laugh. Or like this rare case, I do both at the same time. What a MIRACLE, people! I laughed and was speechless! The lord works in mysterious ways. Can I hear an AMEN?
I know you’re wondering WTF I’m talking about. Well, I use Gmail. There’s this bar at the top that I have customized to show RSS feeds about science, Formula One (racing), and a bit of news. It also shows occasional sponsored ads and Google news. Well I don’t remember what I was looking at that inspired this sponsored link. I think it was a Facebook message.
And Lo, a light shone upon me, and Google told me about Prefilled Communion Cups. Bread and Juice IN ONE CUP! Jesus, it’s so freaking convenient! I may buy some just for snacking on the lord of hosts between meals. Maybe as a light dessert after a hedonistic meal of pulled pork BBQ sammies with extra melted provolone cheese and cole slaw?
I am up in the air about giving links. Do you want links? Do you need links to these christian stores? They’re everywhere if you Google the term “prefilled communion cup”
Ok, one link because the name of the site is so awful and their description and picture is the best of the bunch. Kingdom.com … … … get it? kingdom com(e)? HAHAHAHAHA
I wonder how much they paid for that domain name.
Anyway, I’ve added some pictures of these communion cups. Another thing I find hilarious is that the cups are made of jeezits, I mean, crackers and grape juice. I don’t have my bible in front of me, but I don’t remember the son of god telling his posse to drink grape juice and eat crackers to be closer to him. I think it was good bread and a nice chianti that would let them eat his flesh and drink his blood?
Maybe I have it confused. I’m just a godless heathen after all.
I also wonder how easy it would be to open the jeezit pack. It looks small and awkward. I would feel so bad if I had shaky hands and spilled the lord on my best Sunday dress. And I know my dogs would fight over, and snatch up, the jeezit in a heartbeat if I dropped it on the floor.
At least the catholics make a nice presentation with communion. If somebody handed me a Convenient Lord & Savior In A Plastic Cup I’d lose it. Literally.
That is the AWESOMEST thing ever.
Can you imagine eating a few of those with some handi-snack cheese and crackers with the red plastic spreader?
mmmmm
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Neece Reply:
July 1st, 2009 at 5:35 am
I know, right? Jesus is NOM!
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I wonder if the juice is organic and if the cracker has trans fats?
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Neece Reply:
July 1st, 2009 at 5:36 am
HAHAHAHAHAHA! Somehow I doubt they were thinking Jesus should be whole grain, high in fiber, no sugar added, no trans fat. And the grape juice, it better be Organic freakin’ Welch’s or I’m sending my case back!
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Steve Reply:
July 2nd, 2009 at 2:26 am
You laugh. Recently, teh Catholics had to release a wafer that was wheat-free because of Catholic celiacs who can’t tolerate gluten.
Here’s the funny part. They believe that as soon as the wafer passes your lips, it literally becomes the body of Christ. So what does it matter if it’s gluten free or not since it actually becomes 2000 year old meat when you eat it?
I think I just might have grossed myself out.
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Dan Gilbert Reply:
July 2nd, 2009 at 6:45 am
Ha! However, because the gluten-free wafers don’t qualify as “bread,” they’re not approved by the Catholic heirarchy because if it’s not “bread,” it can’t properly transubstantiate into the body of Christ. There has to be at least a tiny amount of gluten in the wafer for it to be approved by the church. I kid you not. I wrote about it in a blog post on my blog. It’s just crazy.
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Buffy Reply:
July 5th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
And of course church dogma comes before the health and safety of humans–always. Now eat that gluten-filled wafer or burn in hell!
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Dan Gilbert Reply:
July 5th, 2009 at 7:11 pm
Ha! Yeah… my point in my blog post was that, if they really believe in transubstantiation, then the “wafer” would have turned into flesh and wouldn’t have any gluten in it anyway… so what’s the problem?
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Neece Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 5:27 am
Exactly, Dan. What a stupid idea, though. Srsly.
Buffy, you are so funny.
Never in a million years would I have thought of this cheesy way to sponge money from the Christians. I laughed and laughed. Thanks.
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Neece Reply:
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:49 am
My pleasure, Mojoey. It cracked me up too.
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I’m with Steve! I may have to order the 60-count package and use them as a snack. That’s just too funny!
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Neece Reply:
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:50 am
Hee hee…. oh we’re such blasphemers! … or cannibals! HAHA!
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Jeezus-juice and a Jeezit to go!
LOL!
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Neece Reply:
July 3rd, 2009 at 1:50 am
hee hee!
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So glad I looked over at HDC this morning. Here is a little video that shares the truth about jesus.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3JaOAynaeE
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Michael Mock Reply:
July 1st, 2009 at 12:43 pm
…Huh? I’m so very, very confused.
Catchy song, though.
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Charles Reply:
July 2nd, 2009 at 8:25 am
Whoa! HA HA ! It was supposed to be this one!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zhEUWobdXqY
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Neece Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 5:28 am
wow.. that was just messed up, Charles. That’s f’ed up.
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I got one word for this…
Ewwwwwwwwww.
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Neece Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 5:29 am
no kidding!
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Neece watches F1??? Sweet!
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Neece Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 5:30 am
Neece is a full on F1 Fan. I’ve been watching it “religiously” since about ‘95. I hate the off season and live for each race weekend. Woot! This summer break is the worst. It’s so long!
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[...] (via) [...]
Oh….My..
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Neece Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 5:30 am
Hee hee..
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They’re really taking this pre-packaged, single-use thing too far.
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Neece Reply:
July 6th, 2009 at 5:31 am
Seriously, what next, Buffy? What next!?
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Steve Reply:
July 7th, 2009 at 3:24 am
Holy water. You can mix it with Tang.
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Neece Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 1:58 am
Funny you mention that, Steve. I just wrote about the oldest bible recently available online. And if you go read the original 4th century version of the chapter about Jesus at the wedding, it wasn’t wine, it was grape flavored Hi-C. I kid you not! They didn’t have Tang back then, because I would have preferred that. At least it seems better for you than Hi-C.
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I bought some of those once… the juice made me sick.
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Neece Reply:
July 8th, 2009 at 1:59 am
Now is that any way to talk about your lord and savior? After all he’s done for you? Ungrateful!
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When I was in Iraq at a bare bones Air Force Base we had those. I was a fundie at the time, atheist now (I saw the light? lol). They really aren’t that bad tasting but the cracker part was a bitch to open.
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Neece Reply:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:48 am
Ha! It’s good to know that jesus is tasty.
I’m glad you saw the light! LOL
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Christians are cannibals. They believe they’re eating jebus’ flesh and drinking his blood. That’s a cannibal to me.
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Neece Reply:
August 24th, 2009 at 8:49 am
It’s a pretty twisted belief, isn’t it? I wonder who came up with it, and if everyone laughed him out of the room when he told them.
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No, it was just primitive ‘man’ if it could be called that. Most (99%) didn’t know how to read and were extremely uneducated and believed whatever they were told. Early christians were persecuted (I survived 12 years of catholic schooling) but there was something about jebus throwing the ‘money changers’ out of the temples? He was against his government’s massive waste and corruption, that’s why he was executed.
And people spread stories about him so they could remember him, and they told their tale to friends, who told it to friends, etc, until you get what I think Mel Gibson had a good personification of in Braveheart: “Him? That can’t be William Wallace!” “I AM William Wallace! And I’ve heard I shoot fireballs from my eyes, and bolts of lightning from my arse!” That’s how stupid those people were.
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Neece Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 7:55 am
Hi Phil, while I agree that most people were uneducated and couldn’t read back around the time of Jesus, I don’t think he was executed. There’s simply no evidence that he ever lived.
I understand the idea of him turning into a legend by word of mouth. I’m sure it played a role in the jesus myth forming the way it did.
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(belief in fantasy is much more comforting than dealing with reality every moment of every day.) Think about it: people watch movies, watch sports, watch tv why? To escape from the mundane, to escape from the real world for a few hours. And, as Dubya said, (and I paraphrase) “you gotta say it over and over for it to sink in.” It’s true. It’s like a lie that’s been told so many times that people consider it the truth.
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Neece Reply:
August 28th, 2009 at 7:57 am
Yes, I would agree that people prefer fantasy to the constant drain of reality. And repetition is a common technique in brainwashing and indoctrination. It works, unfortunately.
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Right, all these stories that people wrote 2000 years ago were about someone who didn’t even exist. Yeah. Ok.
Truth of the matter is, roman soldiers regularly raped women, and that’s how Mary (yeah right, I’m sure that’s what they named her out in the middle east: mary. Yeah. ok.) got pregnant, and the punishment for sex out of wedlock was to be stoned to death.
So she and joseph (another oh-so-common middle eastern name, not something foreign like, say, ‘mohammed’) decided to tell people she was f*cked by god and didn’t know where the baby came from.
The stupid, it burns!
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Neece Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 4:25 am
Phil, what evidence is there that Jesus existed, outside of the gospels? Josephus? He never claimed to have met Jesus. He only referenced Jesus twice. The first is disputed as forgery, if not at least altered, the second is a reference only. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josephus_on_Jesus#Testimonium_Flavianum
The gospel writers? They wrote their stories 40-80 years after the supposed death of Jesus. They never met him either. No one even knows who those writers were.
Just because there are stories about him, it doesn’t mean that he existed. That’s like saying there are talking giant mice because there is so much evidence in modern culture of a talking 6 foot mouse named Mickey. There’s tons of evidence regarding him.
Name your sources, otherwise you’re just making up nonsense.
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I don’t have any evidence that Jebus existed, Neece. At first I thought you were cute and I wanted to get in contact with you on the off chance that we could bone, but now this thread is just boring. Tell you the truth, just receiving reminders that I once traipsed across this thread every time someone posts a new comment is a pain in the ass.
Look, as far as I can tell, Mary (not her real name) convinced Joseph (not his real name) that he should play along and pretend ’she was carrying the son of god’ because she was raped by a roman centurion (soldier) and became pregnant (she was only 14 at the time) and the punishment in those days for pregnancy outside of wedlock was to be stoned to death (no, not that way…yes, that way). (THAT is what the RCC doesn’t want you to know.)
People didn’t just conjure up stories out of thin air, Neece. There was someone to whom they were referring when they talked about ‘Jebus.’ No he wasn’t the son of god. But they wrote about him because they were suppressed and that’s what religitards do when they get all emo: they write crap that sucks to everyone but themselves.
I suffered through 12 years of catholic school, I’m done talkin’ about this garbage (for now).
Buy, rent, borrow, or steal Bill Maher’s “Religulous”.
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Neece Reply:
September 1st, 2009 at 3:01 pm
Well Phil, you’ve shown yourself to be a classless oaf. I think we’ve all had enough.
As far as I can tell, your ideas stem from baseless conjecture melded with lingering catholic beliefs. You’ve just reiterated your ideas without any facts or resources.
There is a lot of evidence that says that the christian mythos borrowed heavily from Mithras and other local cults and myths of the time.
I’ve seen Religulous. Not that it makes any difference to this conversation.
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haha!! My mom has tons of these sitting around the house in neatly sealed ziplock bags, ready to go.
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who finds these pretty silly
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Neece Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:45 am
Wow… that’s wild! No, you’re not alone.
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Aha!!
LOL! HAHA HAHA
(Created by Rev. C.S. Rowan at the FSM forums)
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Neece Reply:
November 18th, 2009 at 2:46 am
Ooh, thanks for the link, Johnny. That’s just awesome!
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