From NewsBiscuit

via RichardDawkins.net

Confirmed atheist Richard Dawkins was forced onto the defensive yesterday after he died but subsequently rose from the dead in a miraculous resurrection, much like that of the son of God Jesus Christ.

‘There are a number of perfectly logical scientific explanations for what has happened’ he told journalists flocking to hear his story or just touch the hem of his clothing. ‘Although I was pronounced dead after the unfortunate incident on Friday, the doctors clearly made a mistake. The fact that there was thunder and lightning, and those around claim to have heard the sound of angelic voices is completely irrelevant.’

Dawkins suffered a shocking but ironic death on Friday having been seized by a mysterious gang of burly men dressed as Roman soldiers. They nailed him to a cross, and left him there until he died some hours later. However on Sunday, his body was no longer to be found in Slough mortuary, and he was seen walking on the A4 towards his home, where his resurrection was hailed as a miracle.

It is being suggested in some quarters that Richard Dawkins was being taught a lesson by God, who has now given him magical powers including the ability to walk on water and cast out demons. A bitter Pope Benedict said ‘Why is it the naughty ones get all the attention? I have been saying that I definitely, definitely believe in God for ages and I haven’t been given the ability to perform a single miracle. Unless you count progressing from the Hitler Youth to being God’s representative on Earth, I suppose.’

Despite the miraculous events of the past few days, Richard Dawkins was standing by his militant atheism. ‘All of it can be explained by science and rational thought’ he insisted to reporters outside his front door. At this point a leper rushed through the crowd, and kissed Dawkins’ feet, only to stand up apparently totally cured of her hideous affliction. ‘OK, that is pretty impressive, I admit’ said the author of The God Delusion. ‘Oh shit, I think I’m going to get pissed.’ At that he touched a bottle of mineral water, turning it into Chateau Lafitte 1967, and slunk inside to drink it.

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Creationism

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Holier than Thou

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The first type I’m going to cover is religious extremists. The types that blow up cars, ram planes into buildings, etc. This really boggles my mind. Why do people kill in the name of some (likely imaginary) god? I’ll state it this way for the religious. If we weren’t meant to think for ourselves, why would god give us a brain and free will? He or she could have easily designed us as mindless robots. So why all the violence in the name of religion? I guess some haven’t evolved into civilized individuals. They still hold on to the values of the dark ages where freethinkers or infidels were burned at the stake.

Now I’ll go on to the Pro-Lifers. Not your everyday folks that think abortion is wrong. But those who murder doctors and set clinics on fire. Those people are against abortion because it’s murder to them. So abortion is wrong because it is murder?! So what is killing a medical practitioner? Is it like this, “don’t kill the unborn, but it’s ok to kill the living.” Logic, you’re doing it wrong. Two wrongs don’t make a right.

The next example I will go on to is animal rights extremists. I’m an animal lover myself. People that abuse them make me sick. But I would never ever kill another human or blow up a testing facility for the love of my pet. It basically goes back to the same concept as the post above, except I’ll state it as so. “It’s terrible to torment and/or kill a puppy, but it’s ok to kill a human.” Again, two wrongs don’t make a right. Animal cruelty is wrong. There are better measures to end such violence. In most countries there are laws that protect animals. If you don’t think the laws are good enough you can change them. Picketing, signing petitions, and so on. Making a pipe bomb to use to vandalize an animal testing site is not the way to go.

Murder and abuse of any living being is wrong. No matter how much of a misanthrope I may be sometimes. The idea of taking another’s life sickens me. Anyone with any common sense knows there’s no justifiable reason for murder.

This topic makes me think back. About a year ago I would visit the Animal Liberation Front message board on a regular basis. I remember seeing graphics, banners, bumpers stickers with this question on them, “What part of thou shall not kill don’t you understand?” What part of thou shall not kill don’t you extremists understand?! How did the rights of a invisible man in the sky, unborn fetus, or a cat get to be greater than the rights of a fellow human? So many things I just don’t understand.

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I finally picked up the book Saturday night. I’m on Chapter 5. So far it’s amazing. Then again what did I expect from a genius.

Here are three of my favorite quotes from the book.

We are all atheists about most of the gods that societies have ever believed in. Some of us just go one god further.

Indeed, organizing atheists has been compared to herding cats, because they tend to think independently and will not conform to authority.

The God of the Old Testament is arguably the most unpleasant character in all fiction: jealous and proud of it; a petty, unjust, unforgiving control-freak; a vindictive, bloodthirsty ethnic cleanser; a misogynistic, homophobic, racist, infanticidal, genocidal, filicidal, pestilential, megalomaniacal, sadomasochistic, capriciously malevolent bully.

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