I need your help. I’m going to church soon with my Religion of the Month Club (a subgroup of Morgantown Atheists) and I have the idea of putting an envelope in the collection plate when it comes around. In the envelope I want a few really AWESOME quotes from brilliant people. Preferably not nasty, but very smart. I am asking for your suggestions! Which reason/atheism/brilliant/freethinker quotes should I put in the envelope?
We’ve all heard of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets and their awesome service of saving pets after the rapture (I wrote about being Rapture Ready here). Well, the other day I was contacted by another fine atheist service, Rapture Orphan Rescue: A service providing the Ultimate No Child Left Behind.
Here is their Mission Statement:
We are a Rapture-proof service that will ensure that your youngest family members will be given the religious instruction that you would have wanted them to receive. More than just letting your rapture-orphaned sons and daughters [know] that you love them, we will witness to them so that they too may be Saved and reunited with you at the end of the Trials and Tribulations.
This is based on biblical verses that state that we are all born in sin and that we have to reach the age of reason before we can be saved. The site goes into detail on the home page explaining why your baby is born an atheist and isn’t guaranteed to be raptured.
The problem seems to be that the children christians will leave behind will then be taken in as wards of the state, and then might be marked with the sign of the beast. This service will take the child before that stage and make sure they are never marked, which would be a bad thing according to Revelations 20:4. Read the rest of this entry »
Update! Boobquake results are in: Our immodest hair and cleavage did not cause any earthquakes. In fact, the mean magnitude of quakes actually went down during the experiment. Read the full results over at Blag Hag.
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Some ideas strike me as terribly clever. Jennifer over at Blag Hag decided to start something by asking women to dress immodestly to show that it doesn’t cause earthquakes. It was spurred on by some little Iranian man who said:
“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes,” Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran’s acting Friday prayer leader.
Women in the Islamic Republic are required by law to cover from head to toe, but many, especially the young, ignore some of the more strict codes and wear tight coats and scarves pulled back that show much of the hair.
“What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?” Sedighi asked during a prayer sermon Friday. “There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam’s moral codes.”
“A divine authority told me to tell the people to make a general repentance. Why? Because calamities threaten us,” Sedighi said.
Minister of Welfare and Social Security Sadeq Mahsooli said prayers and pleas for forgiveness were the best “formulas to repel earthquakes.”
“We cannot invent a system that prevents earthquakes, but God has created this system and that is to avoid sins, to pray, to seek forgiveness, pay alms and self-sacrifice,” Mahsooli said.
So on April 26, I will show my cleavage for science. I dress for comfort, not looks, so I’m a perfect person to “tip the scales” towards total devastating earthquake on Monday April 26. This is a scientific experiment. Read the rest of this entry »
The Tree Lobsters have said exactly what I was trying to say over a year ago, only much more concisely and with a lol. Don’t you hate it when tree lobsters upstage you? I do!
Evolution is a sham! The earth is only 6000 years old, therefore there hasn’t been
enough time for all the species to have developed from a single origin. All you have to do is look at the…
Hold it right there!
Science Police. We received complaints that you’ve been willfully ignoring centuries of scientific progress.
Therefore, in accordance with bylaw 27B/6, you’ve forfeited your right to benefit from the technology derived from said science. Read the rest of this entry »
First a funny and accurate poster about The Believer, then awesome science music. Thanks to Pharyngula who found this:
Awhile ago I shared the Symphony of Science, which is music made out of scientists talking using AutoTune (I believe that’s what it’s called). Carl Sagan, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Richard Dawkins and many others lend their voices for these songs that are quite inspiring. One thing, they are very different. The first time I heard one, I thought it was really strange and didn’t care for it. But after a few minutes, I really fell in love with them.
There are two new songs. Here are their videos. Go to Symphony of Science to download the songs or videos, or to donate to the project.
The Unbroken Thread (4 minutes) Read the rest of this entry »
My friend Charles composed the following email as a response to a ridiculous christian forward he got call “Untimely Deaths”. He thought I might like to share it with you. So here it is, including the angry christian email reply he already got and his reply to that at the end. His version had the classical large fonts, underlines and bold text that inflammatory emails often have, but for the web, I had to strip most of the formatting. If you decide to send this on to your christian friends, feel free to make them more at ease by using insanely large font sizes, underlines, unreadable colors, etc. 
Do you have the COURAGE to Read this whole E-Mail?????
The TRUTH about UNTIMELY DEATHS!
John Lennon (Singer):
Some years before, during an interview with an American Magazine, he said:
“Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple. Today we are
more famous than Him” (1966).
Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.
Is god lazy? Lennon said he was bigger than Jesus in 1966. Mark Chapman shot him in 1980.
Fourteen years later! Was god too busy all those years assassinating other sinners? Is he a procrastinator?
“Oh yeah, that one blasphemous beatle. I really should smite him.”
The next day:
“Crap! I forgot! again!”
And so on, for the next fourteen years! Read the rest of this entry »
I found a site last week that I thought I really must share with you. It’s called Rapture Ready. The page I really want to share is The Rapture Index, which apparently is “the prophetic speedometer of end-time activity”.
With Sarah Palin and other fundie believers out there trying to bring on Armageddon, I figure this site is incredibly important.
There are numbers listed for 45 things like 1. False Christs, 29. Liberalism, and 38. Wild Weather. These numbers seem completely arbitrary. But according to the site at the time of this post, the Rapture Index is 165. That’s a net change of +1 so you’d better be ready!
Now, as a godless heathen, I am pretty sure if the Rapture happens, I’ll be left down here on Earth with all the cool people. Fun times will be had by all, and life will improve dramatically.
Of course, there is one small issue for Rapture Ready Fundies, though. Their pets! I’m sure you’ve heard of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets? These kindly atheists and heathens offer to take care of your pets when they get left behind and you go on to Jesus in Heaven.
What a noble cause. All I can say to that is why didn’t I think of it!?
So, just because you’re a godless heathen doesn’t mean you can’t prepare for the end-times. We know the fundies are working to make it happen in their lifetime. If it does, we have to be ready.
First we will have a fantastic party to celebrate. Then we can go loot all the stuff out of the True Christians’ houses since they won’t need it anymore. After that I guess we just get back to our lives, happier without all those pesky religious nuts trying to dictate legislation and force their god down our throats. Good Times, Good Times!
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