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Here is their Mission Statement:

We are a Rapture-proof service that will ensure that your youngest family members will be given the religious instruction that you would have wanted them to receive. More than just letting your rapture-orphaned sons and daughters [know] that you love them, we will witness to them so that they too may be Saved and reunited with you at the end of the Trials and Tribulations.

This is based on biblical verses that state that we are all born in sin and that we have to reach the age of reason before we can be saved. The site goes into detail on the home page explaining why your baby is born an atheist and isn’t guaranteed to be raptured.

The problem seems to be that the children christians will leave behind will then be taken in as wards of the state, and then might be marked with the sign of the beast. This service will take the child before that stage and make sure they are never marked, which would be a bad thing according to Revelations 20:4.

On their order page, you can donate to help support the cause or buy the Soul Survivors Program, which is their basic package, and offers a guarantee to witness to a single family member as soon as they approach the age of reason (age 4-5). They include a personal message that you can include in that package. They also have an Extended Package and an Omega Program as well, which is $1 million dollars per 7 year term. (30 day trial for only $4,995!)

If you click on the buy button for the Omega Program, it doesn’t take your money. It goes to a page titled “Why are we so sure you are wrong?” This page is linked to several times throughout the site as an attempt to show the light of reason to true believers.

They do promise to fulfill their commitments for the other programs, though and explain in detail on the Mission Statement page how the service works.

So I thought I’d share it with you. For your True Believer friends and family, maybe you can let them know about it.

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Update! Boobquake results are in: Our immodest hair and cleavage did not cause any earthquakes. In fact, the mean magnitude of quakes actually went down during the experiment. Read the full results over at Blag Hag.

~

Some ideas strike me as terribly clever. Jennifer over at Blag Hag decided to start something by asking women to dress immodestly to show that it doesn’t cause earthquakes. It was spurred on by some little Iranian man who said:

“Many women who do not dress modestly … lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which (consequently) increases earthquakes,” Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi was quoted as saying by Iranian media. Sedighi is Tehran’s acting Friday prayer leader.

Women in the Islamic Republic are required by law to cover from head to toe, but many, especially the young, ignore some of the more strict codes and wear tight coats and scarves pulled back that show much of the hair.

“What can we do to avoid being buried under the rubble?” Sedighi asked during a prayer sermon Friday. “There is no other solution but to take refuge in religion and to adapt our lives to Islam’s moral codes.”

“A divine authority told me to tell the people to make a general repentance. Why? Because calamities threaten us,” Sedighi said.

Minister of Welfare and Social Security Sadeq Mahsooli said prayers and pleas for forgiveness were the best “formulas to repel earthquakes.”

“We cannot invent a system that prevents earthquakes, but God has created this system and that is to avoid sins, to pray, to seek forgiveness, pay alms and self-sacrifice,” Mahsooli said.

So on April 26, I will show my cleavage for science. I dress for comfort, not looks, so I’m a perfect person to “tip the scales” towards total devastating earthquake on Monday April 26. This is a scientific experiment.

You can read the whole thing over at Blag Hag. She also clarifies that she’s not trying to offend anyone in a follow up.

There is a Facebook Event and you can twitter about it: #boobquake.

Here is what Jennifer says:

Sedighi claims that not dressing modestly causes earthquakes. If so, we should be able to test this claim scientifically. You all remember the homeopathy overdose?

Time for a Boobqauke.

On Monday, April 26th, I will wear the most cleavage-showing shirt I own. Yes, the one usually reserved for a night on the town. I encourage other female skeptics to join me and embrace the supposed supernatural power of their breasts. Or short shorts, if that’s your preferred form of immodesty. With the power of our scandalous bodies combined, we should surely produce an earthquake. If not, I’m sure Sedighi can come up with a rational explanation for why the ground didn’t rumble. And if we really get through to him, maybe it’ll be one involving plate tectonics.

So, who’s with me? I may be a D cup, but that will probably only produce a slight tremor on its own. If you’ll be joining me on twitter, use the tag #boobquake!

I think it would be good to post pictures to the facebook or twitter pages for scientific verification on the 26th, and to make sure to attend the event on Facebook, etc.

If you’re a skeptic woman, this is a good experiment. We’ll look for a significant increase in earthquake activity on April 26th to see if our immodesty pisses off God enough to tear the Earth apart in his jealous rage.

Again from Jennifer:

Dressing modestly won’t end earthquakes, so help out the victims of inevitable natural disasters at the Red Cross: http://www.redcross.org/

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Evolution is a sham! The earth is only 6000 years old, therefore there hasn’t been
enough time for all the species to have developed from a single origin. All you have to do is look at the…

Hold it right there!

Science Police. We received complaints that you’ve been willfully ignoring centuries of scientific progress.
Therefore, in accordance with bylaw 27B/6, you’ve forfeited your right to benefit from the technology derived from said science.

What?

We’re confiscating your gadgets.

You can’t do that! I have rights!

Don’t worry, you’ll be compensated with a set of pre-enlightenment equivalents.
To wit: one box of candles, one tinderbox, one quill, one sheaf of parchment, and one goat.

This is outrageous! I’m calling my lawyer!

Good luck with that. The quill gets lousy reception in this area.

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Awhile ago I shared the Symphony of Science, which is music made out of scientists talking using AutoTune (I believe that’s what it’s called). Carl Sagan, Neil deGrasse Tyson, Richard Dawkins and many others lend their voices for these songs that are quite inspiring. One thing, they are very different. The first time I heard one, I thought it was really strange and didn’t care for it. But after a few minutes, I really fell in love with them.

There are two new songs. Here are their videos. Go to Symphony of Science to download the songs or videos, or to donate to the project.

The Unbroken Thread (4 minutes)

Lyrics:
(Carl Sagan’s lyrics written by Carl Sagan, Ann Druyan and Steven Soter)

[David Attenborough]
All life is related
And it enables us to construct with confidence
The complex tree that represents the history of life

Our planet, the Earth, is as far as we know
Unique in the universe; it contains life
Here plants and animals proliferate in such numbers
That we still have not even named all the different species

Darwin’s great insight revolutionized the way in which we see the world
We now understand why there are so many different species

[Carl Sagan]
Every cell is a triumph of natural selection
And we’re made of trillions of cells (Within us is a little universe)
Those are some of the things that molecules do
Given four billions years of evolution (We are, each of us, a multitude)

Now how did the molecules of life arise?

[Attenborough]
It began in the sea
Some 3 thousand million years ago
Complex chemical molecules began to clump together

These were the “seeds”
From which the tree of life developed
They were able to split, replicating themselves
As bacteria do

[Sagan]
The secrets of evolution
Are time and death
There’s an unbroken thread that stretches
From those first cells to us

(refrain)

[Jane Goodall]
There isn’t a sharp line dividing humans
from the rest of the animal kingdom
It’s a very wuzzie line

It’s a very wuzzie line,
and it’s getting wuzzier
All the time

We find animals doing things that we,
In our arrogance,
Used to think was “just human”

(refrain)

[Attenborough]
Its continued survival now rests in our hands

The Poetry of Reality (~3 minutes)

Lyrics:
(Carl Sagan’s lyrics written by Carl Sagan, Ann Druyan and Steven Soter)

[Michael Shermer]
Science is the best tool ever devised
For understanding how the world works

[Jacob Bronowski]
Science is a very human form of knowledge
We are always at the brink of the known

[Carl Sagan]
Science is a collaborative enterprise
Spanning the generations
We remember those who prepared the way
Seeing for them also

[Neil deGrasse Tyson]
If you’re scientifically literate,
The world looks very different to you
And that understanding empowers you

Refrain:
[Richard Dawkins]
There’s real poetry in the real world
Science is the poetry of reality

[Sagan]
We can do science
And with it, we can improve our lives

[Jill Tarter]
The story of humans is the story of ideas
That shine light into dark corners

[Lawrence Krauss]
Scientists love mysteries
They love not knowing
[Richard Feynman]
I don’t feel frightened by not knowing things
I think it’s much more interesting

[Brian Greene]
There’s a larger universal reality
of which we are all a part

[Stephen Hawking]
The further we probe into the universe
The more remarkable are the discoveries we make

[Carolyn Porco]
The quest for the truth, in and of itself,
Is a story that’s filled with insights

(Refrain)

[Greene]
From our lonely point in the cosmos
We have through the power of thought
Been able to peer back to a brief moment
After the beginning of the universe

[PZ Meyers]
I think that science changes the way your mind works
To think a little more deeply about things

[Dawkins]
Science replaces private predjudice
With publicly verifiable evidence
(Refrain)

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Do you have the COURAGE to Read this whole E-Mail?????

The TRUTH about UNTIMELY DEATHS!

John Lennon (Singer):
Some years before, during an interview with an American Magazine, he said:
“Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue about that. I am certain. Jesus was ok, but his subjects were too simple. Today we are
more famous than Him” (1966).
Lennon, after saying that the Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times.

Is god lazy? Lennon said he was bigger than Jesus in 1966. Mark Chapman shot him in 1980.
Fourteen years later! Was god too busy all those years assassinating other sinners? Is he a procrastinator?
“Oh yeah, that one blasphemous beatle. I really should smite him.”
The next day:
“Crap! I forgot! again!”

And so on, for the next fourteen years!

MARILYN MONROE:
She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. He is a preacher and Evangelist and the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her.
After hearing what the Preacher had to say, she said: “I don’t need your Jesus”
A week later, she was found dead in her apartment.

Of course, the fact that Marilyn Monroe was Jewish is inconsequential!

Now consider:

Saloth Sar, better known as Pol Pot, was the leader of the Cambodian communist movement known as the Khmer Rouge
During his time in power, Pol Pot imposed a version of agrarian collectivization, forcing city dwellers to relocate to the countryside to work in collective farms and forced labor projects, toward a goal of “restarting civilization” in a “Year Zero”.
The combined effects of slave labor, malnutrition, poor medical care, and executions resulted in the deaths of an estimated 1.7 to 2.5 million people, approximately 21% of the Cambodian population.

Also, he was not a Christian. Also, he lived to be 70.

Aleister Crowley, born Edward Alexander Crowley, was an English occultist, writer, mountaineer, poet, playwright, yogi, and possible spy He was an influential member of occult organizations, including the Golden Dawn, the A∴A∴, and Ordo Templi Orientis (O.T.O.), and is known today for his magical writings, especially The Book of the Law, the central sacred text of Thelma. He gained notoriety during his lifetime, and was denounced in the popular press of the day as “The wickedest man in the world.”

And yet lived to be 72.

Donatien Alphonse François, Marquis de Sade, was a French aristocrat and writer famous for his libertine sexuality and lifestyle. His works include novels, short stories, plays, and political tracts; in his lifetime some were published under his own name, while others appeared anonymously and Sade denied being their author. He is best known for his erotic novels, which combined philosophical discourse with pornography, depicting bizarre sexual fantasies with an emphasis on violence, criminality, and blasphemy against the Catholic Church. He was a proponent of extreme freedom (or at least licentiousness), unrestrained by morality, religion or law.
The term “sadism” is derived from his name.

Lived to be 74.

Idi Amin Dada, The military dictator and President of Uganda from 1971 to 1979.
Amin’s rule was characterised by human rights abuses, political repression, ethnic persecution, extrajudicial killings, nepotism, corruption and gross economic mismanagement. The number of people killed as a result of his regime is estimated by international observers and human rights groups to range from 100,000 to 500,000.
A polygamist, Idi Amin married at least six women, three of whom he divorced. He married his first and second wives, Malyamu and Kay, in 1966. The next year, he married Nora and then Nalongo Madina in 1972. On 26 March 1974, he announced on Radio Uganda that he had divorced Malyamu, Nora and Kay.
Kay died on 13 August 1974, Her body was found dismembered.

Lived to the ripe old age of 78.

Finally, the REAL TRUTH comes out!

UNTIMELY DEATHS?

Every day, almost 16,000 children die from hunger-related causes–one child every five seconds.
In the time it takes you to read one E-mail full of “little lies for Jesus” at least 200 people will have died of starvation.
Over 4 million will die this year.

“Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able, but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able and willing?
Then whence cometh EVIL?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?”

- Epicurus (Greek philosopher, BC 341-270)

Use Your Brains.

Charles already got an angry response and replied:

On Fri, Jan 29, 2010 at 5:35 PM, (unnamed Christian) wrote:

Man is where evil dwells not God. Don’t blame MAN’S shortcomings, cruelty, greed, racism, etc,,, on God!. Man has a choice….all of us have a choice. What we do with that choice is up to us. Our hand is not being forced by any being including God….use you brains!!!!!!!!!!

Charles’ reply:

An intelligent man would never blame god for any of those things, because he understands that god is but a creation of man.
Don’t devalue all humanity by blaming all the world’s injustice on them. You do not only the world, but yourself a disservice.
It is ludicrous to claim that the people who died in the earthquake in Haiti choose that to happen. As ridiculous as claiming that children choose to die of starvation.
Saying that “all of us have a choice” is the biggest “blame the victim” pile of steaming… well you get the idea, that religion ever propagated.

If you believe in god then you already believe in a place god created that is without suffering and yet all the people there still have free will, it is called heaven.
There is no reason an all powerful god couldn’t have made earth the same way. Unless he is just a dick?

But again, that would be silly to blame the world’s problems on an imaginary being. As silly as blaming people for things that they have no control over.

Things just happen, good and bad. It is a result of living on an imperfect natural world we have by chance evolved to live on.

Maybe someday you can see reality without the “Jesus glasses”. Good luck with that.

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With Sarah Palin and other fundie believers out there trying to bring on Armageddon, I figure this site is incredibly important.

There are numbers listed for 45 things like 1. False Christs, 29. Liberalism, and 38. Wild Weather. These numbers seem completely arbitrary. But according to the site at the time of this post, the Rapture Index is 165. That’s a net change of +1 so you’d better be ready!

Now, as a godless heathen, I am pretty sure if the Rapture happens, I’ll be left down here on Earth with all the cool people. Fun times will be had by all, and life will improve dramatically.

Of course, there is one small issue for Rapture Ready Fundies, though. Their pets! I’m sure you’ve heard of Eternal Earth-Bound Pets? These kindly atheists and heathens offer to take care of your pets when they get left behind and you go on to Jesus in Heaven.

What a noble cause. All I can say to that is why didn’t I think of it!?

So, just because you’re a godless heathen doesn’t mean you can’t prepare for the end-times. We know the fundies are working to make it happen in their lifetime. If it does, we have to be ready.

First we will have a fantastic party to celebrate. Then we can go loot all the stuff out of the True Christians’ houses since they won’t need it anymore. After that I guess we just get back to our lives, happier without all those pesky religious nuts trying to dictate legislation and force their god down our throats. Good Times, Good Times!

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