I was raised Seventh-Day Adventist (SDA) early in my childhood. My mother’s side of the family is fairly traditional SDA; my mother was raised in it, and my father converted for her. I went to the SDA church school for first through third grade. Even at that age I stirred up trouble: my teacher told us the moon landing was faked because man can not reach space where heaven and god reside; and that dinosaurs were fake, they were just a pile of cow bones that scientists put together wrong. When I argued with her I was sent to the principal’s office; when he backed her I pretty much stopped believing everything they told me. That’s were my skepticism started.
During that time I was also taught that all other religions were wrong, and those practicing other religions were going to hell; something at the time I found utterly ridiculous, and something I’ve since discovered to be common theory among many religions. I overheard church leaders describe the evils that public school taught, pushing fear upon parents so that they would pay to send their children to the private Adventist school. I saw prejudice against people for not dressing nice enough when coming to church and others extensively questioned about their absence from church the week prior.
My father was not raised in the church; he refused to follow blindly and he questioned things. Adventists do not drink alcohol or eat meat; when my father queried about Jesus drinking wine and eating lamb, the church elders insisted that the wine was really grape juice and the lamb was only used for sacrifice and not really eaten. Another time my father shared a song with some from the church, the song was modern and up-tempo and had a very uplifting message with Christian innuendo. The elders were upset with my father for exposing people in the church to something so evil; in their opinion drums were an instrument that led to evil music, and the upbeat tempo could lead to dancing -something they would not allow because they linked dancing to idol worship.
My father enrolled my brothers and me in public school for my fourth grade year. Around the same time he stopped attending church; but my mother continued to take us kids. Not long after the elders approached my mother and advised her to consider divorce because of the evil influence her husband was having on her children. My mother stopped going to that church, and even after changing membership to a different SDA church did not attend as regularly anymore.
I tried again in high school. Although I had quite thoroughly rejected Adventism, some part of me had some faith left and wanted to believe. I was hanging out with some friends who often hung around the youth pastor from an Evangelical church. This was my first exposure to a church leader that was actually educated. He encouraged me to question the church and its teachings, and to question the Bible. This along with more modern teaching and a social aspect reeled me in; I spent over two years as a member and was baptized. The more time I spent in the church, the more I discovered that all the questions I had been encouraged to ask were answered with innuendo, or answered in ways that created even more questions, or just not answered at all. Towards the end of my senior year of high school I had become disenchanted, and continued to attend only for the socialization.
On a side note, a story I tell to illustrate the ignorance of some religions, and to remind me how lucky I was to escape the Adventist church. During high school I worked with a lady that was a Seventh-Day Adventist; she shared with me a problem they were having at the church school: pregnancy. In a student body of 40, they had five girls under age 18 that were pregnant. Here’s what it boiled down to: sex was such a taboo subject that they did not provide any sex education (not even ‘abstinence’); and since reproduction involved sex, the basic science of how reproduction occurs was not taught either (not even how animals reproduce). These kids were essentially being taught that they could not have children unless they were married; but as we all know science and nature don’t follow rules like this.
Once I left for college I tried out a handful of churches in a new city. Each seemed worse than the previous, and I became completely disenchanted. I finally came up with my own little quote that I used to answer friends and family that pressured me about attending church: “The Bible and my faith are enough for me; organized religion is a farce and the church is antiquated and corrupt.” This spurred a few conversations but was mostly met with silence and no further argument.
Some college courses, an exposure to the larger world, and a stint in the Army drew me to more and more conclusions that the church is a control mechanism. By the time I was getting off active duty (2004) I had pretty much lost all faith, but still wasn’t sure what I believed in. I honestly think I might have been an atheist at this point, but was not familiar with the term; and in hindsight I think I didn’t know that not believing was an option. I did some soul-searching-reading – eastern religions, pagan beliefs, lots of mythology, and a little on the origins of Christianity and Islam.
In early 2006 I saw the Zeitgeist movie; I don’t recommend it, but I mention it because it played a role in my final steps to realized atheism. The banking part of the movie is a bit conspiracy theory, and the nine-eleven part is over-the-top conspiracy; but it was the part on religion that fascinated me. I spent several weeks researching the information (because it doesn’t cite any sources), and re-watched the religious part of the movie a dozen times. Eventually I determined that many of the “facts” were wrong or unsourcable; but the research I did lifted any remnants of a veil.
Looking back, I know that at this point I was an atheist; but it took until early 2008 for me to really admit it to myself. I finally had interpreted that nagging feeling that had been plaguing me: I didn’t believe in any gods (but most specifically Yahweh). Suddenly (or so it seemed) I was free! The realization that it was an option, and that it was how I felt freed me on so many levels. I am an atheist! When I disclosed this to my wife I was shocked by her reply (we had never talked religion). She had not believed in gods since she was 14, but had never really considered herself an atheist (because of some of the conflict with the term).
The more research I’ve done, the more I see that the church and organized religion are relics of the past (I truly think organized religion is what is holding mankind back from that next big leap and from any hope at world peace). Many of the organized [Christian] churches we see today draw their roots from England in a time when the government controlled the church and the church controlled the people. The people that left that oppression and thus began the founding of the United States left there to escape the government controlling their church and religious choices. Today I believe we’ve seen too much swing in the opposite direction from what the founders intended; the church has too much influence and control in government decisions.
I believe that in the modern world there is no place for the church as we know it. There may be a place for religion; everyone is entitled their faith, belief, and opinion (but should not be allowed to push it upon others). The church we know today is corrupt, hypocritical, meddles in politics, sparks wars, and presses its prejudices on the populace and even into law. Religion has become the root of all evil; and the church is its right hand.
I’m ok with people’s belief in a higher power or deity on an individual level. What annoys me is when people feel the need to unintelligently push their belief and their deity upon me. What worries me is when so many people believe in this deity that they band together against those who don’t believe the same. What scares me is when those who believe in this deity rise to power, and then use that power for the cause of their deity. And what disgusts me is when people can validate hate, killing, and war in the name of their deity; and most reproachful are those who war because their enemy believes in a different deity or no deity at all.
I don’t consider myself a militant atheist; and I try hard not to proselytize atheism. However I find an overwhelming drive to push people to question what religion and the church has told them. Question what they think is in the Bible. And for all that, why stop with religion? Question everything; but don’t be an ignorant skeptic, after you’ve questioned it, research it. Arm yourself with knowledge!
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I’m absolutely thrilled to be a part of Heaving Dead Cats! About the time I admitted my atheism to myself, I added the atheist tag in my StumbleUpon. This added to my knowledge of atheism exponentially; and HDC was one of those sites I stumbled early on. I’ve been lurking here ever since, and feel truly honored to be a contributor. If you’re interested, you can find some of my other ramblings on Think Atheist; and if you have questions you can email me at phxjohnny+HDC@gmail.com.
~Johnny
Sadly my greatest font of SDA knowledge comes from the Korean SDA character on Gilmore Girls (secret shame). In all seriousness, your story was really interesting. It started so much younger but moved more slowly than my own deconversion process feels like. I didn’t question things nearly enough as a child, and when the bubble popped for me it was gone entirely (within a matter of months). So it’s interesting that even though our paths were similar in some respects (early more fundamentalist religious belief, spotty church attendance beginning around 4th grade – when I started public school, and less fundy but still evangelical christanity in my teens. Instead of a warzone I got married and had a baby and got a divorce. IDK, I guess all my babbling means that I can relate.
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